Cute school function

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Day 2

So at lest tonight I'm on my computer writting really quick so I can get this weird energy out of me so I can go to sleep. Today I have felt very closed off tonight.. just over all very blah. I hate that feeling of seperation between me and the world, but I guess im just lost in thought. Got alot going on I'm living with  family that wants me to stay here in OR and is trying to push me into long term plans and what the hell am I doing? Thinking of in teh near future plans of moving in with Mike. But even that thought has catches to it. So many what ifs. I am just not a what if type of gurl. I'm a give me a yes or no the cold hard facts answer all my what if questions with facts and reasurance and I make my final decission like that. But unfortunatly life tends to let that fantasy of mine down. It really sucks.

Right now I see my life as a black hole sucking me down but it has little shoots (miniture black holes) that you can take to get out of the big one kinda like a bus with bus stops . wow I just gave a comparison for my comparisson  NICE. But in any case I just let myself keep falling becuase I dont know what exit to get off at. its all rather crazy. And the mental image of it all it a bit alice in wounder land :)


Right now im at the point where i would do anything for money. I need to survive, i need money to get by... to have any sort of life. i feel like i cant survive being me, it sucks .. and i would like to forfit.

Day one

So since life is always full of hussle and bussle, im usually going to update this blog via cell phone. So im shure there will be mistake on here. The quick overview of my life so far is im 22 with a 2 year old daighter. I just moved out of the only house ive lived in all my life to move out of state to Oregon now living with my cousin and her family. Now all of that is grate all that I ever wanted except the fact that 3 day before I left california ...me and my 7 month long bfwb (best friend with benifits ) decied to cave into feelings of love. So im now 800+ miles away from the man that makes me happy and complets me and even though OR is my dream place to live im willing to give it all up to go back to him. But I cant leave yet, im living with my cousin to help her put so tell she ia on her feet I cant leave its a lovely little twist. Lol. So needless to say my life at the momment is a littls clomplex. Deffintly need this blog for venting and so on.

So far today has been a good day woke up talked to Mike, ordered his birthday gifts ( his birthday is next week!) I so want to blab and tell him what I got. But I know the surprise will be well worth the wait. Then took my cousins oldeat son to school the walk there with the stroller was a good workout. Right now I have my daughter and cusions younger son trying to take a nap. Its weird because writting taks a lot of me. So im going to take a short rest but im happy to have this.

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